How Narcissism Impacts Family
The term “narcissist” can be found all over social media these days. All of us have varying levels of narcissism, and narcissistic tendencies in the right amounts can actually be very helpful. Traits such as:
Ambitiousness/having big goals
Charm/Charisma
Confidence
Persuasiveness
Willingness to break rules or go outside the box
True Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) however, takes a toll on relationships and family systems because of these behaviors and traits in the extreme. Having unrealistic goals (or delusions of grandeur) can put a strain on a family’s finances as they try to assuage the family members demands or beliefs that they deserve more than others. The charming facade can be in stark and confusing contrast to the withdrawal of love and coldness when the family member feels their needs aren’t being met to their extreme expectations. Persuasion can become manipulative and controlling leaving family members exploited and hurt. That willingness to break the rules can create psychological and physical harm in others.
So what can family members do?
Set boundaries
Now here’s the hard part about boundaries. Boundaries aren’t telling the other person to change their behavior and expecting them to do so right away. Boundaries are not saying “you can’t do that”
Boundaries are you saying “you can’t do that AND if you continue to do that when I’ve asked you not to then I will have to remove myself to protect myself”
Boundaries may look like:
limiting the information you share (grey-rocking)
limiting the time you devote to them
limiting physical access by removing yourself physically
Not responding to calls, texts, etc.
Limiting contact on social media
The extreme case of a set boundary is going no contact. It’s not easy and if you’re healing from narcissistic abuse or think you may be in a relationship with someone with clinical narcissism (NPD), you don’t have to handle this alone. Therapy can help you process the thoughts and feelings you’re likely struggling with after experiencing tactics such as gas-lighting and coercive control. Therapy is also the best place to safely learn and practice new ways of setting effective boundaries. Reach out today!
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